love thy neighbor

Music: Brian Eno: Apollo (1983)

RING RING

"Hello?"

"Hi Josh, this is [insert neighbor's name]. How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm hangin' in there. Trying to get over another cold."

"Oh dear [insert ramble about unconquerable yeast infection of neighbor]."

"Yuck, I’m sorry to hear that!"

"Listen, the reason I'm calling is about the pipes. Do you hear the pipes rattle every time I flush the downstairs commode?"

"No m'am. Not really. I'm a noisy person myself so I prolly just tuned it out."

"We'll, it's really loud and bothersome, and it started happening when they tore up the wall. There's air in the pipes."

"Hmm. [insert neighbor's name] I can give you my insurance adjuster's number and you can see what he says."

"No I won't! YOU DO IT!"

"[trying not to loose my cool] Well, I cannot get to it right now. I'm prepping for class and about to leave for school; it'll have to wait until tomorrow."

[interlude: I change clothes, brush my teeth and then remember. I call neighbor back]

"[insert neighbor's name], this is Josh. I just remembered something. Didn't you have some plumbers out to fix a leak in your bathroom after our summer ordeal?"

"Yeah, uh-huh."

"Well, I can tell you what will happen. If I call my insurance adjuster, he will look up the report. The report says the leak was behind my refrigerator, and not in your bathroom. You'll recall those were two different plumbing issues and that my insurance only addressed the one that occurred on my side of the wall. Bruce will say it's your problem."

[silence]

"So the first step in this situation is to call the plumbers you hired. The work they did should be under warranty and they should fix it without charge, I would think. If they worked on your toilet and sink, I bet the air got in when they did the work. The folks that we brought in for our mutual problem didn't work on the plumbing at all, other than fix the leak on my side."

"[angry tone] Ok, Josh. [click]"

[I then sent an angry email to another neighbor, who has been rubbed the wrong way by the demanding neighbor also. He sent the following email in reply]

[demanding neighbor] had this concern long before any leaks from your place or wherever. I remember going there a couple of times when she asked me to check out the noisy pipes. My advice to her was to call a plumber and have them release the air from the pipes. This is done by turning off the water supply and turning on all the taps and then turning on the water supply and then turning off the taps. I didn't feel like doing this so I suggested at least twice she notify her son or call a plumber. I feel sorry for [demanding neighbor] as she is old and basically on her own but I have grown frustrated with it seemingly being my assumed responsibility to fix everything in her household. I, as well, became aggravated enough to refer to [demanding neighbor] as an [insert expletive]. [Insert name of third neighbor] is much nicer as she refers to [demanding neighbor] as our "Brontesaurus."

Of course, we all live on Bronte Drive.