garden goes britney

Music: Van SheEP (2006)

We've had such delightful weather the past few days that I've been trying hang outside more than I sit in front of this screen. Part of that outdoor life involved the spring clean (for the May Queen, of course) in the garden. After two very hard freezes my plants were pretty pitiful looking (one of my antique roses came down with black spot), so I went Britney on 'em. I pruned the shit out of my garden. It looks as pitiful as a pop star having a nervous breakdown on the public screen.

Speaking of pruning, it seems like rehab is the must-have celebrity accessory for 2007. Britney tried twice, I'm told, to rehab her self/career but couldn't endure the month-long treatment that Lohan did. Apparently St. Britney shaved her head after K-Fed threatened to test her hair for drug use in the custody battle o'er the kids but . . . what could she possibly be on or addicted to? I mean, he could still test her pubes too (did she shave those?). What is she so worried about? I mean, if she was on smack or crank she'd look like Kate Moss or be publicly digging the worms out of her face.

Speaking of worms, there are none in my garden. I did find a snail today as I pulled out more weeds. I wonder if everything will grow back? And I wonder what I should plant. I'm thinking about rosemary, to be sure, and perhaps replacing my gardenia that died my first winter here. Anyway, to commemorate the ugliness of my garden, I put yellow food coloring in my fountains. It looks like pee. I wish my toad would come back. I wish things were greener. You can check out the pitiful state of Joshie's Britney-fied garden here.

I wish Britney had hair. I miss New Orleans.