annual review letters

Music: Joe Ely: Best of (1977)

The faculty here at UT Comm Studies received our annual review letters today from our chair, Barry Brummett. Because his computer crashed, he said he was sending us a "generic" letter. Here it is:

Dear [insert your name here]

The Budget Council has met to review your file and wishes to tell you that we think you are ugly. Your mother is ugly also. We wish you would publish on more important topics, and do more of that as well. Go get some grants, doesn’t matter for what, since the Tower doesn’t really give a rip about anything but money any more. Remember that the occasional publication in the finest psych journal, or your new three book set, compareth not to placing something in the Oklahoma Panhandle Review of Communication, which after all is in the discipline. Your teaching, Oy! It could lay people out asleep at Starbucks. Your service is OK but to be frank, nobody wants to be on a committee with you. Let me know if you wish to discuss any of these matters.

I intend to file a protest. One shouldn't let these things go in her file without a response.