yet even more american home shield blues

Music: Christian Death: Ashes (1985)

Well, the life of the 30-something academic is so exciting!

I admit at one level I feel pathetic continuing to update my adventures with home repair or, as Rob Persig might write, The Art of Air Conditioner Maintenance. On the scale of life's many pains in the arse, this really does rank low. I know. My grandmother is on her deathbed. Writing about that would be much more relevant to everyone--including me. And I fear that will come. That is important writing.

But sometimes, I feel a kinship with Andy Rooney. Really, I do. We share some issues with eyebrows. And we delight in the art of the frivolous complaint. (Needless to say, I am one of those people who love Andy Rooney. I know most folks find him annoying; I find him incredibly endearing. I'd love to go to a ball game with the guy.)

This week a colleague and I edited essays for a special "forum" section of a journal in my field, I tied-up loose ends on course prep for this week, and had a couple of orientation meetings. While all this was going on, my patience was tested in respect to my air conditioner. Just to be clear: thankfully, the air conditioner is working. We're having triple digits in Austin, so more than a few people have expressed concerns about my "safety." No worries folks: it's chilling. The problem is that it's chilling a bit too well---so well, in fact, the air handler is sweating water into my guest bathroom ceiling. This is bad for two reasons: (a) it has created water damage; and (b) it encourages mold. I'm fiercely allergic to the latter, so getting this problem resolved is becoming a top priority.

As I've already detailed in previous posts, this problem has been going on since late May. Because it makes no good sense to get angry about this, I've gone the route of comedy. I've discovered, in fact, going with the comedic frame has really been, well, sorta fun. If I only tackled all my irritations in this way---I think I'd sleep better. Anyhoo, for this route, I've employed an Olympus "Digital Voice Recorder" and a handy earpiece; I've grown quite fond of this little recorder (about the size of a credit card). In the state of Texas, it's legal to record conversations, telephonic and otherwise, as long as at least "one party" consents. I've decided that I constitute that party who consents. And so for the past month I've been recording my conversations with AHS, technicians, and customer service representatives. In general, the conversations are not very funny or interesting. It's the shear volume of them that invites a giggle.

So, (shout out to my bud Gretch), here's the rest of the story: in May a repairman installed a new air handler to fix the water leak. The air handler, however, was the wrong size. It's 1.5 tons, while my condenser is 2.0 tons. While one part of the "leak" was fixed (bad fitting), the new air-handler created it's own water problem---it can't handle the power of the condenser. The company that installed the wrong size air-handler, Dave's Heating and Air, refused to come back out to address the problem. AHS called out their lawyers on him, apparently. Dave's then agreed to come out, however, it's been a weeks-long headache: they don’t call back, they schedule to come out, and then break the schedule. Here's how it went:

1. Wednesday, August 18th: Pam from AHS calls to check up on the situation. Dave was supposed to come on Monday the 16th, however, Kayla from Dave's called on Monday to say he wasn’t going to make the appointment. Here's her message. I phoned her back and left a message that we rescheduled for Dave to come out on Thursday between 9:00 a.m. and noon. Let me just say that, through this whole ordeal, Pam has rocked.

2. Thursday, August 19th (approx. 2:40 p.m.): Dave was supposed to be out in the morning before noon, but . . . he never showed. I had to be somewhere at 4:00 p.m., so I phoned Dave's as we neared the 3:00 p.m. hour to inquire. "Kim" answered and reported there was another emergency, and that we needed to reschedule. I reported I'd be home the next day, on Friday, but that I had an appointment at 1:00 p.m., so I'd only be around until 12:30 or so. Kim said Dave would be out before then. Here's the call.

3. Friday, August 20th (approx. 10:50 a.m.): Dave didn't show on Friday morning, and I was concerned he wasn’t gonna make it. I told Kim I'd have to split by 12:30, so I assumed Dave would be there before noon---and it was looking like more of the same. Instead of calling Dave's, I decided to call Pam at AHS to put on the pressure. Here's the message I left.

4. Friday, August 20th (approx. 11:45 a.m.): Kim from Dave's phones to tell me Dave is on the way. She said she had me "down" for an appointment between 10 and 1:00 p.m. I reminded her I had an appointment at 1:00 p.m., and would need to leave by 12:30. Here's the call.

5. Friday, August 20th (approx. noon): Not two seconds after I hang up with Kim, Pam from AHS phones. She reports that she called Dave's and put on the pressure. She also told me that she was no longer able to help me resolve the issue, and has punted the case up to "executive office" and escalated the case to "our research department." I tell her that Dave is apparently on the way, and fill her in on the back-story a bit. She says I should expect a call next week from the "research department." I am sad to see Pam go. She seemed to give a flip. Here's the call.

5. Friday, August 20th (approx. 12:15): To use a southern idiom, low and behold Dave himself arrives at the door, with only fifteen minutes to spare. I decide to be as nice as I can be, and to probe Dave a bit about his side of the story. Dave says that AHS is the one who ordered the wrong part; it's very clear that he is passing the blame on to AHS. At first, when he's inspecting, you'll hear him trying to figure out how to do as little as possible. He suggests adding a second condensation pan (which is ridiculous). I finally offer to hire a carpenter to open up the ceiling and patch it up. He then agrees that putting in the right size part is the way to go. Here's the recording.

6. Friday, August 20th (approx. 12:30): Dave leaves. He reiterates he will call AHS to order the correct size handler and have it installed. Now, let me just say this: Dave's diagnosis is the original diagnosis he gave back in June: we'd have to open up the ceiling and install something that is much larger than the original. He told me the exact same thing the first time he came out. He also said that AHS is the one who ordered the smaller 1.5-ton (that is, wrong size) air handler the first time. While he seems like a nice fellow, I'm not so sure this is AHS's error. I suspect he is the one who ordered the wrong size in the first place. It will be interesting to see how AHS responds. Thankfully, I now have Dave "on tape" saying that it was AHS who ordered the wrong part. I also have Dave's customer service reps---Kayla and Kim---distorting the truth on tape. Memory is choosy. Recording, well: recording imprints what was actually said. Here's Dave's parting remarks.