my chair is better than your chair

Music: Prince: LotusFlower (2009)

One of the many glories of working in the Communication Studies department at the University of Texas at Austin, as I've written before, is having Barry Brummett as your chair. He floods your inbox with information, and about every week, a "report" of his meetings with the deans and chairs of the college. Today's "report" from Barry was particularly hilarious (they're all pretty funny, but this one had me laughing aloud, and hard):

This morning was the monthly meeting of only the Chairs/Director, Associate Dean, and the Dean. It was the most boring meeting imaginable. It was a meeting underwater. It was a meeting on a morphine drip. I wrote down not a single thing to tell you. Even the Big Dark Secret that we were instructed not to take out of the room was the most boring Big Dark Secret I ever heard and I wouldn't bother you with it even if I COULD take it out of the room.

Imagine 7 old, grey, vultures sitting in a circle over a pile of questionable roadkill. They discourse thus:
In a nasal whine: Meeeeeeep
[long, long pause with silence]
In a basso profundo: Meep Meep Meep Meep
[the sound of crickets chirping]
Staccato but drained of energy: Me e e e e ep
[the sound of wind blowing in the branches]
and on and on in this manner. Not enough to keep the mind alive, I tell you.

For these inbox chuckles alone, bigods, we'll never let Barry step-down.