. . . going off the rails of a . . .
Music: Erik Wøllo: Emotional Landscapes (2003)
Friday, July 23rd.
GOOD DAY SUNSHINE
"Excuse me sir, but I really need to cut in front of you. I'm driving [a bus] to Seattle and we're late already, I need to talk to this guy."
"Sure, no problem."
"I know it's rude, and I apologize."
"Hey, no worries, I have an hour until my train leaves. But I should tell ya I've been standing here like 20 minutes. You might just run back there."
"Thanks for understanding. Where's the clerk?"
"He went to get a phone book for that older fellah. I don’t think it has anything to do with tickets. Something about a bike part. He went over to the back in there."
"So why's he taking so long?"
"I dunno, I've been here for quite a while, he keeps talking to this old guy. The old guy seems sort of out of it, if you ask me."
------
"12:30? No train is leah---oh, yeah. I see."
"What?"
"Your ticket is from Vancouver, Washington. You needed to book it from Vancouver, BC. And there's only one train from BC in the morning. It went out at 6:40 a.m."
"Fuck. I'm sorry. I meant 'shoot'."
"Yeah, [smiles] it happens many times a week. During the Olympics it was crazy. They need to change the website, I know it's confusing. Every week---"
"Well I need to get there ASAP. What can we do?"
"I suggest you go catch this bus to Seattle. It arrives at 3:30 p.m. Right outside of McDonalds. I'll route your ticket here."
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"[huffing] The bus is gone. I think I was in line with the driver and let him cut in front of me. If only I was a jerk I might be on that bus."
[discussion]
"I can't get you to Tacoma. I can get you to Seattle, train arrives at 10:10 p.m. You need to be here at 4:30 for boarding and customs."
"Book it."
------
THURSDAY, AFTERNOON . . . NOW I'M ON MY WAY
"Is this a formal affair? What should we wear?"
"Well, I know the organizers wanted folks to dress casual. Go "Texas casual," you know, jeans and a nice blouse or something."
"Got it, makes sense. See you in a bit."
"Actually, I'm still in Vancouver---sitting on a train. It's a long story; not sure how I'm going to get to Tacoma."
"Oh no!"
"Yeah, I'm supposed to catch a bus at 10:16 to Tacoma tonight, but I have like six minutes to make a connection. And this is a train, and trains are never on time."
"Call King Cab, they have a flat $45 fee from Seattle to Tacoma."
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"No sir, that's for airport to major hotel. You're coming from---could you hold?"
"But I'm on roaming minutes, I can't [click]."
------
SO COLD THE NIGHT
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your conductor. We're about five minutes from Bellingham, but I have some bad news. Those of you getting off in Bellingham---as well as everyone else---are going to be a little late, maybe a lot late, there's no way to know. We're in single-track county, and we've learned a freight train full of coal has broken down in front of us and needs to be repaired. There's nowhere for us to go, so, we have to stand-by until the train is repaired. This could be a short wait, it could be a long wait. I'll let you know more information as it becomes available."
"No way! I have to be in Boston tonight. My brother deploys to Afghanistan tomorrow!"
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"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your conductor. We apologize for the delay. We've learned that the linkage between two cars on the coal train has broken. It's something called a "knuckle," and they're having to rush in some parts. It's going to take a while. They just can't seem to get this train put back together. The good news is that we're going to show another movie, The Bounty Hunter, starring Jennifer Anniston. Jason will be selling headphones for a meager four dollars----"
"Four dollars? What the hell? They should give us them for free, and some free cocktails too! And send Harrison [a tall, attractive train staffer] over here "
-------------
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your conductor. Again, we're sorry for the delay. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the coal train is repaired. In a short moment you'll notice the train moving backward. We're moving to a sidetrack so that the coal train can move past us.
The bad news, however, is that we got another situation. On the other side of the coal train is the northbound Cascade. They were to also be on a sidetrack to let us pass them by. Unfortunately they have a situation on one of their cars. I'm told a man on that train was so irate that their train was late that he caused quite a scene. Law enforcement is needed to remove this man from their train, so, they are currently at the Bellingham station. Once the police have the passenger in custody, we'll be on our way to Seattle.
"No fuckin' way! You gotta be joking me! This is starting to get fuckin' ridiculous! We're not getting in till 3:00 goddamn AM! I gotta fly all the way to Boston!"
"Hey man, don't you lose it too. We ain't got the time for police to remove you too. We need to laugh about this."
"That's right. This is pretty ridiculous."
"Perfect storm!"
"Hah ha ha ha ha. . . first it's the coal train---cooooooooooooaaaaallllll train! Now they takin' two damn hours to get this disorderly passenger off the northbound cascade? Give. Me. A. Break." [peals of laugher from car six.]
"Yeah, I'm supposed to be on stage in 30 minutes. It's not gonna happen."
"Oh no! What band."
"No shit? Sweet."
"Yeah. But I have no way of telling them I'm not gonna be there."
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry to say this, but . . . . "
------
WHEN MY LOVE COMES TUMBLING DOWN
"No sir, there is no bus service this time of night.
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"Do you take debit cards?"
"Yes yes yes. Get in. [loads luggage]."
"Where to?"
"University of Puget Sound"
"Hmm. Ok."
"Is that going to be more than $60? I only have about that to spend."
"Oh, less than that I think."
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"It is difficult for me to use credit cards, because I have to call it in and get approval, and it's past 2:00 a.m. We can pull off at a bank and you can use the ATM."
"No sir. I asked you before I got in if you took credit cards, and you said yes three times. I'm not going to use an ATM because that'll cost me $10 in fees, and you'll be running the meter. This is not fair."
--------
"$87."
"But you said it would be less than $60!"
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"Thanks for waiting Mr. Gunn. We apologize, but, we don't have an access card for you. Joe will let you in the building for now, but you'll need to get an access card from the conference organizer in the morning. Have a nice night."