gnomalicious: name that gnome II

Music: Tones on Tail Nightmusic Alright, I am getting over myself and banishing the demons of darkness with the help of my husky army of garden gnomes (and a few rose bushes that are just starting to explode with blooms). These little dudes have been guarding my treasures and battling aphids like nobody's business for weeks. Of course, y'all remember Object [petit] Ace and Siggy McKenna (click on the photo to the right for a larger image). These pugnacious but peace-loving pygmies were lonely, however, and so I found them some mates. I regret that so far it's largely a homosocial affair (I'm looking for female gnomes, so if you have any leads, do let me know).

I would like to introduce to you five new but, sadly, nameless gnomes. Swinging high above Siggy and Ace is this happy guy, who I picked up at the grocery store on the "seasonal" aisle. A colleague had told me I could find cheap gnomes at the H.E.B., and that she recently spied one picking his nose that would be perfect. I raced to the store to find the nose-picking offender, but he was sold out. So this swinger is the surrogate (someone give the polite but secretly naughty imp a handclap . . . for the Clap). What shall I name him? I was thinking of Andy, after Andy Warhol (you know, that famous filmic swinger).

Now, this little dude is resting below a large mushroom that doubles as a birdbath, the ultimate of Gaia harmonics (I mean, tripping and then getting clean! the two usually do NOT go hand in hand, but these gnomes, they've really figured it out; pure genius . . . it's like making a crack den bathhouse!). I gave him a good paint job to give him some color. He's smokin' something funny in that pipe, and just as happy as can be, chillin' in his purple (morning) jacket. I was thinking of Dr. Scholl's for his name (as if there is such a thing as "happy feet," just like a clean high).

This little guy is (and was) somewhat of a challenge. He was a lonely and forlorn unpainted gnome abandoned and off to the side at Howard's Nursery. He was very dirty, covered in mud, and I suspected had been languishing and waiting for love for many years. I think no one purchased him for their garden because he was gifted with a very strange facial expression, which I brought out a bit by painting him. Once I saw that he was something of a crier (announcing he had a basket of goodies to give away), it occurred to me he needed pink shoes. So I gave him pink shoes. And then he started to remind me of Harvey, the elf from those claymation Rudolph movies who wanted to be a dentist. So I'm thinking of naming him Harvey, but I’m still not quite sure. Ideas, anyone?

Now we're getting into what I will term the artificial insemination gnomage, and by that I refer to the mass produced gnome. To put this another way, I rescued this guy from Target, and he had a lot of identical twins. Anyway, he's got a waterer in his hand, but what's in there is magic juice. That's right, juice that is magic. You can tell he is proud of his magic juice becuase of that silly "I'm-so-proud" look on his face (which he got in China). I would tell you what's magic about his juice if I was allowed, but his not-so-identical brother has threatened to take away all the mushrooms if I tell. So I'm going to leave it at that. Any ideas for naming these two? Are there some famous twins I can name them after?

You can get the whole overview of my patio Eden with this photogallery. Spring's sprung y'all. I mostly grow herbs, but this year I've planted some peppers (sorry, I don't do tomatoes), and I guess my love of roses is not lost on anyone at this point. The stinkier they smell, so much the better. Reminds me of the smell of going to church when I was a kid, all those folks wearing too much perfume . . . and my teenage church, mostly a lysergic haze . . . oh, and then there was algebra.