father's day
Music: Okkervil River: Black Sheep Boy
A relatively accurate reconstruction of that telephonic mourning glory:
MOM: "Here comes dad now, he's coming up the stairs. He got your stuff yesterday; he said the cat book is really funny."
33 YEAR OLD MOOK (33YOM): "Yeah, I thought it was a trip."
MOM: "He won't let me look at it; said it's his gift [laughs]. I'll look at it tonight. Here's your father."
FATHER (self-dubbed "FEARLESS LEADER" or FL): "Fruit of my loins: how goes it?"
33YOM: "It goes like Sunday; happy Father's Day pop!"
FL: "Thank you, thank you."
33YOM: "So are y'all gonna go out for dinner or something special?"
FL: "No, of course not. I've got a bunch of paperwork to do. Trying to redo my fee schedule, need to make some more money. It ain't working well right now."
33YOM: "Bummer; well, I was just sitting down to work too, thought I'd give you a call before I got all into it, you know?"
FL: "So, how's the love life?"
33YOM: "Jesus H. Christ. You ask me that every time I talk to you. Haven't I-–"
FL: "Me and your mother don't want you to be 40 and without a nookie."
33YOM: "Well, as I've said, neither do I. I daresay I don't know anyone who wants to die alone. But you know, every time you ask me that it sounds like 'what's wrong with you?' I know you don't mean it that way, but you're really laying it on thick this past year and it reminds—-"
FL: "Oh, no no no. You are interpreting it wrong. But you know, you should have had some pretty significant relationships by now, and—-"
33YOM: "Look pop, things are pretty damn good in Austin. I have a great job, I own a home, I live in a city with tons to do with live music, you know, at a stones throw. I've now got a pretty good circle of friends and folks to love and depend on, and I'm getting out more. Life is good—"
FL: "I know it is son, me and your mother want to come visit in—"
33YOM: "—You know you're welcome anytime; and, you know, once I get granny's furniture I'll have a place for y'all to sleep."
FL: "Son, will you take some unsolicited advice?"
33YOM: "Sure, pop."
FL: "You should go online and comparison shop for furniture. Do you know how much it's going to cost to rent a van to get her stuff? Have you checked into it?"
33YOM: "Um, not yet, I was going—"
FL: "Well, it may be cheaper to buy new stuff. Have you seen granny's furniture? I mean, it's not exactly—"
33YOM: "--Pop, you know it's not about the furniture. I want her to know that I came and got it, and that I have it. She wants me to have it and keeps reminding me of that, and I want her to know that I have it, you know? It's not about the furniture."
FL: "I didn't think so. Ok. Ok. Oh, you know, I had a lady interested in you last night at this wedding. Smmmmaaaaarrrrrt woman, she's a consultant."
33YOM: "Well, she'd have to move to Austin before I would even consider dating, cause—"
FL: "Yeah, that was her sticking point. She didn't seem to hip on relocating to Austin."
33YOM: "Look, life's good in Austin. I have every faith I'll meet someone, and if you keep pushing it I'm going to start hitting on black men. The family would love that on Christmas."
FL: "[laughs] me and your mother would not be surprised. We just want you to be happy."
33YOM: "I'm happier than I was this time last year and two years ago, and life is good here. And it's not like I wouldn't like someone to share this goodness with, of course I do. But even alone it's ok, dig? I mean, the last thing someone wants is some needy, insecure guy who—"
FL: "[laughs] I guess you're right. You know me and your mother haven't [expletive] in years, and we're pretty happy. Eh, so, those cats are really funny [laughs]. I think I'm going to take Tye to a rescue people because he has just become so—"
33YOM: "Irritating? What's he doing?"
FL: "You know, I come up from work and sit down to relax, and he's in your face, you know, right here. And he meows really loudly, it's like a bitchy ol' woman in my face, and I've just had enough."
33YOM: "Oh, Psappho does that."