drama begins at home

Music: Nine Inch Nails: The Slip (2008; get it for free here)

A letter designed to end increasingly hostile answering machine messages:

Dear [Neighbor],

I have been ignoring your phone calls for many days for one reason: if I speak to you in person, I worry that a litany of unkind words and offensive phrases would exit my mouth and enter your ear. Although I think you are deserving of such language at the moment, I do have the good sense enough to know I do not want to be the person who "cusses out" my neighbor. I am, therefore, choosing to write.

As I said to you over the phone last week, I am not happy with you and believe that you have taken advantage of my kindness and friendship. Since our debacle last summer it has become clear to me that you do not listen very well. I know, however, you read quite well, and so I thought I would communicate to you in writing why I am unhappy with you.

In general, I think you are a self-interested bully.

I also have come to the conclusion that you have no consideration for anyone other than yourself when you want something. When times are good and things are going well, you can be very loving. But when you want something, you hound and pressure whomever you can find to do your bidding, and often at their expense.

Aside from your uncontrollable harassment last summer, there are other examples of your inconsideration. Recently you and I were on the mend when you called one day to complain about the "rattling in the pipes." I heard no such rattling. On the phone you said the rattling started after the repairs from the summer. I responded by saying that you were welcome to phone my insurance adjuster and speak with him about it. You then said, "No! You call him!" in a demanding voice that was rude beyond measure. Sheepishly I agreed to do so, but after I had chance to think about it, I remembered seeing a plumber at your house the previous week. I called you back and said that he was your best chance to fix the problem, since he worked on your pipes last. In all honesty, I reported, my insurance company would not cover an unrelated issue. You hung up the phone on me, obviously disappointed.

Later that week I learned from a neighbor that you have had air in the pipes long before our water leak last summer. This means that the "rattling" in the pipes happened before our summer emergency. This also means that you were being deceptive. You were lying about the summer incident in the hopes that my insurance company would fix your preexisting problem. I honestly understand scrupulous methods as long as they are honest; in this plumbing situation, however, I learned that you will bend the truth to get your way, and wanted me to do all the work as well! I felt lied to and as a consequence no longer trust you.

The recent plumbing incident falls into the same category of deceit. Let me recount the situation as I recall it: Once you learned that you could save some money by my sharing in the cost of labor, you began pressuring me to have a water pressure regulator installed. I said repeatedly I could not afford it. On the phone two Sundays ago I said that I could not afford it. You said I should spend my economic stimulus check from the federal government on the pressure regulator. Despite the fact such a suggestion is patently offensive, I explained to you I owed the government taxes and would not receive any check. I also explained to I had a $1,200 car repair bill. I stated, in no uncertain terms, "I cannot afford this."

You countered that the plumber might take late payment. I said I didn't discount that a regulator was a good investment, but that I could not pay for it. I said that I may have the money in July. I asked if you could wait until July. You said you would talk to the plumber and get back to me. I asked how much such a thing would cost. You indicated $300-400 dollars for both, suggesting $150-200 a person. "I can afford that," I recall saying, "but not until this summer." I never said "do it." When I left you on the phone, you were to call me and report the conversation with the plumber. You never got back to me. I opened my mailbox to a $350 bill.

So why am I angry with you about the recent plumbing incident? Let me enumerate:

1. You said you would call me back about any plumbing work or payment deals to be struck, and you never did.
2. You couldn't wait until July, when I might be able to afford the procedure.
3. You told the plumber I would pay him next month! I never said I could pay him next month. I said I might be able to afford something in July.
4. You didn't research the procedure at all; had you been able to wait until I could afford such a thing, we could have called many plumbers and got estimates and went with the cheapest one.
5. You didn't consult me any step of the way, and approved work to be done without my consent.
6. You scheduled to have work done without telling me until FIVE MINUTES before the work was to be done.

Your inconsideration is beyond rude: it is adolescent. I am a kind person, but in wanting something so badly you have taken advantage of me. Because you are impatient, I suspect you resorted to deceit (whether or not you intend it), at the very least the kind of wishful thinking of a teenager.

I will no longer tolerate your abuse. I will, however, accept an apology. Regardless, it is both in your and my best interest not to speak at present. I do not want to be verbally abusive any more than you want to hear it. In time, with an earnest apology from you, I may eventually speak to you again.

Sincerely,

Josh