D(Jx3)'s Mean-Ass Margaritas

Music: Gnarls Barkley: St. Elsewhere

Last night two super-smart, funny, and beautiful ladies slept over in my bed.

Now, before all of you congratulate me on this newest success, let it be said: (1) I make a mean-ass margarita; (2) if you drink more than one of my mean-ass margaritas in the evening, you should never drive heavy machinery; (2.5) I prefer alliteration to rhyme; (3) I have three beds that I can properly qualify as "my," however, two of them are also qualified with "guest"; (4) I have never taken advantage of anyone, including myself, as a consequence of my very good margaritas, with perhaps the single exception of making my mean-ass margarita drinker play board games with me; (5) regardless of whether or not my lodgers are lovers, I still try to treat everyone like a lover. Shaun, you know number five is true, although Bob may never understand. Perhaps Lyle Lovett sang it best: "I love everybody, especially you," if "you" means a joshie juice mean-ass margarita drinker.

I think I will need to add a sixth: (6) even though I prefer only the finest of 100% pure agave tequila, on the day after drinking one of my mean-ass margaritas—and especially if you have had more than one—you should not expect to get any intellectual work done. Nope. Instead, you can expect to surf the Internet mindlessly reading about the horrors of Julius Evola and ordering books that you do not need and will probably never read, occasionally interrupted by checking the stats page on your website, and even more than occasionally checking your email in-box in the off chance that since the last five minutes you checked it some fool or friend has emailed to say hello, or some past girlfriend has emailed to say, "I was wrong, you are so right, I miss you, let's get back together," or some very best friend has emailed to tell you about an upcoming show that you absolutely cannot miss—and that they have free tickets to give away to it. I'm hoping that show is the Gnarls Barkley taping at the Austin City Limits studio, but with my luck, I know I really need to re-adjust my imagination to the reality that the only possible email free ticket joy will be front row at the next Gwar show (and I will be forbidden from wearing a poncho).

PS: Super-doovy-groovy poetry reading tonight for my Austin peeps; if you're hip, then I'll know to expect to see you there!