on perishing

Music: Shearwater: Palo Alto (2006)

From: Joshua Gunn [mailto:slewfoot@mail.utexas.edu]
Sent: Thursday, November 18, 2010 12:49 PM
To: Production Editor
Subject: Corrections

Dear Production Editor,

I am responding to your latest query regarding my and professor _______'s essay, "Blah blah blah Colon Blah Blah," as I wrote the sentence you question us about.

You say:

I have one final, lingering question that I would like you to answer for me. In your corrections that you submitted to me for your article “"Blah blah blah Colon Blah Blah,” you made the following remark: “That is a Pink Floyd lyric, not a Jodi Dean one.” This remark was made in reference to the following sentence in the text: “As Jodi Dean (2009) suggested, in fantasies of conspiratorial surveillance like the Pink Floyd song, “Something Important is Always Hidden,” there is some “secret that must be revealed” (p.49). Could you please clarify what you would like me to change here? My copyeditor and I are both unsure as to what you are referring to. The last phrase, “secret that must be revealed,” is—according to our brief internet research—a phrase pulled from page 49 of Dean’s text which you’ve cited in your References list.  Is “Something Important is Always Hidden” the title of a Pink Floyd song? Is it a lyric from a song?

What we have here is a basic failure to understand grammar and punctuation; this failure was a consequence of someone in your office altering the original text---an over eager copyeditor, I suspect.

Here is how the sentence should read, properly punctuated and referenced:

As Jodi Dean suggests, in fantasies of conspiratorial surveillance like the Pink Floyd song, "something important is always hidden," there is some "secret that must be revealed" (Dean, 2002, 49). 

This sentence is properly written and was in the original manuscript that you received. Let me explain why this is so.

First, the phrase "As Jodi Dean suggests" indicates that the authors are about to reference something Jodi Dean suggests. Combined with the citation at the end of the sentence, the indication is actually quite overdetermined.

So, what does Dean suggest? Well, she suggests that in or within fantasies of conspiratorial surveillance hiding something important is central. Actually, we cite Dean's words directly from her book. Her words are, "something important is always hidden," and "secret that must be revealed." These phrases are taken from her book. From p. 49 in fact. We reference Dean at the end of the sentence because the quoted material is from her book. Not Roger Waters.

Now, in the previous paragraph John and I discussed a Pink Floyd song. That song is "Welcome to the Machine." In fact, we have lyrics from the song as an epigraph. 

In the sentence in question, then, the phrase "like the Pink Floyd song" references "Welcome to the Machine." And why wouldn't it? After all, the essay opens with a discussion of the Pink Floyd song titled "Welcome to the Machine."

So, when you ask what we would like you to change, it is the sentence that you question us about. We would like the sentence to appear this way:

As Jodi Dean suggests, in fantasies of conspiratorial surveillance like the Pink Floyd song, "something important is always hidden," there is some "secret that must be revealed" (Dean, 2002, 49). 

If you are uncomfortable with this sentence as originally written and submitted, you could delete the comma between "song" and "'something." Alternately, you might substitute this option, which has the same meaning:

As Jodi Dean has argued, "something important is always hidden" in fantasies of conspiratorial surveillance, some "secret . . . must be revealed," which the Pink Floyd song helps to illustrate (Dean, 2002, 49).

Someone in your office assumed "Something Important is Always Hidden" is a song title, but that assumption was and remains VERY wrong.

Frankly, the typeset manuscript you sent us was so full of errors and mistakes like this that I confess I'm very frightened about what might appear in print. 

I formally request to see the final typeset copy to save John, the editor, and me any future embarrassment. Please feel free to call me at home for further clarification: 512-666-1966.

Cordially,

Josh Gunn