(american home shield blues) x (infinity)
Music: A Sunny Day in Glasgow: Ashes Grammar (2009)
Last I left off on my air-conditioner repair drama, Dave from Dave's Heating and Air finally---after weeks upon weeks of stalling---came by to inspect the air-handler his folks installed in June (the one leaking water into my ceiling). He hawed and hemmed, initially saying that he wanted to install another drip pan to catch the condensation. When I pointed out this really wasn't the "right" fix and that I would hire a carpenter to patch up the ceiling if he did it right, he agreed that installing a new air handler was the proper course. It was something of a Yogi Berra moment: the diagnosis and solution was the exact same thing Dave said back in June.
Meanwhile, American Home Shield's "Customer Relations Research Department" had been assigned my case.
1. Wednesday, August 25 (2:54 p.m): Evelyn called and left me a couple of messages, but school had just started and I was not home very much to return her call. Here is her message.
2. Thursday, September 9 (3:12 p.m.): For many days I tried to contact Evelyn. I left her three messages every other day beginning the next week. I never managed to catch Evelyn. Nor did she ever return my calls. I know she's playing hard to get. Here's the first message I left her.
3. Thursday, September 9 (3:20 p.m.): After failing to connect with Evelyn, I decided to check with Dave's Heating and Air to see if they had some news for me. Kim took my call, and noted she would call me back in fifteen minutes. Hard to get, yes, but with promise. Presumably, she needed to check-in with Dave for permission. Here's the call.
4. Thursday, September 9 (4:17 p.m.): Kim phones back---in her soothing tones of seduction---to report that Dave is yet to contact the AHS representative, and that I need to give him another week. You can tell she's very pleased I didn't give her a hard time; just listen to that ecstatic "ok" at the end. Here's her call.
5. Monday, September 13 (10:00 a.m.): I was having dreams of Evelyn at AHS. Her seductive voice, her recorded blessings, I just know if we made a Jesus connection I could get my air cooled, without drippage. I couldn't resist trying to catch her again. But alas, I missed her yet again. She's definitely playing hard to get. Here's the message I left her.
6. Tuesday, September 14 (8:50 a.m.): Evelyn Whittaker's voice keeps wafting through my mind's ear. She haunts me, with her promise, with her tones of comfort. I had to try her one last time. But I'm growing tired of games. Why can't folks just be honest? I decided to give her up. I know I said I'd try to catch her again, but that was a lie. I knew better. She just won't have me. Here's the message. Goodbye, dear, sweet Evelyn. We had such promise. God bless.
7. Tuesday, September 14th (9:06 p.m.): It happens on Monday I received yet another bill from AHS noting a past-due service charge $60 for Sheldon's Pride's visit way back when. Sheldon's Pride, however, was called out to "reassess" what Dave messed up, and there was not supposed to be a service charge. I called once before about this, and I was told my account was "up to date" and the bill came in error. Yet I got another bill. Knowing, in my heart of hearts, that Dave would stall as long as possible and that Evelyn was really a playa, I decided I would call about this bill and use it as an opportunity to inquire about the status of my case. After an eleven-minute wait (which was supposed to be "less than five minutes") Jill took my call. The lovely, southern-tongued Jill deduced that there was a data-entry error on my account. When she asked if there was something else she could do for me, I filled her in on my case, Evelyn, and the delay with Dave. Trying to save Jill some reading, I explained what had happened to date, adding that Dave said AHS was the one who ordered the wrong size. According to her records, however, Jill reported that Dave actually put in an order for the 1.5 air handler (not the 2.0 ton, which is the correct one). "Let me see what I can do," Jill says, "and let me get back with you." Here's the call.
8. Tuesday, September 14th (9:33 p.m.): Well, Jill must be the shit. In less than a half-hour after we spoke guess who called? That's right, Kim from Dave's Heating and Air. She phoned to set up an appointment to have my air handler replaced. It looks like my new, correct-size air handler will be installed on Friday, September 24th. That's a big day for me, because I'm seeing the Drive-By Truckers that night---if disaster strikes I'm gonna be one unhappy puppy. Here's the call.
Will Josh's five month air-conditioner drama finally end? Will Dave's Heating and Air finally do what they said they would do from the beginning? Will American Home Shield honor their contract? Stay tuned for the next, exciting episode of Thirty-Something Academic Has Domestic Dramas!