accommodations

Music: My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult: Confessions of a Knife (2004 remaster)

I am sitting at JFK International Airport awaiting my delayed flight to University Park. Apparently my flight has no crew. Because my connecting flight is 30 minutes from my scheduled (as opposed to actual) arrival, I think today is an "all airport" sort of day. I have a change of clothes and prescripts. I have books and a computer. I have coffee. I can do this.

As many of you know, yesterday was a special day. So special, in fact, that my glorious chair, Barry Brummett, had some news about the building that houses our department, "CMA." As is the case with most state universities, we have something of space problem. Barry granted me permission to share his missive with the blog-reading public:

To: CMS <---- @utlists.utexas.edu>

From: Barry Brummett <------ >

Subject: space accommodation news

I recently met with Dean Hart, who announced some new and I think creative plans for dealing with the space crunch in CMA. We will begin to put these plans in place over the next year, and keep them until the new building is built. Specifically:

1) Office sharing. Recent studies show that faculty are hardly ever in their offices anyway. Therefore, each faculty member is to identify one (1) graduate assistant who will use his or her office when the faculty member is not present. Comfortable chairs will be placed in hallways outside each faculty office upon which these graduate students may sit, waiting to slip inside the office during times when faculty are not there.

2) House calls. To facilitate (1), faculty will be asked to base 1/2 of their office hours on the concept of the house call. If an undergraduate doesn't understand why they did so poorly on that last test, faculty are asked to go to their dorm room to explain matters. Note that this will reduce faculty need for offices and increase occupancy time for graduate students.

3) Rolling offices. What of the remaining graduate students who are not sharing faculty offices? The College has more funds than space, so it is chartering large, comfortable buses that will travel predetermined routes in the 40 acres. Remaining graduate assistants will have their offices moved out of UA9 to these buses and students may get on and off at convenient stops so as to consult with the assistants.

4) Guerilla debate/forensics. In the vein of #3, one bus each will be devoted to the debate and forensics squads, who will likewise give up their UA9 space. These buses will make predetermined stops to disgorge hit and run debate teams or extemporaneous speakers or interpreters of literature, who will do their thing on the street corner until the bus comes back to pick them up.

These plans will, of course, free up considerable space in UA9, which will then be used to alleviate the faculty office crunch. Faculty who annoy the Dean will be particularly slotted for these assignments. Department Chairs/Director are each allowed one allocation on the basis of annoyance.

Feel free to ask if you have any questions.

Barry Brummett

Charles Sapp Centennial Professor in Communication

Department of Communication Studies Chair

May you all be as fortunate to have a chair that makes you laugh this hard.