a pomo pubspeak tease

Music: Synaesthesia: Desideratum (1995)

As some of you know, I've undertaken a public speaking textbook. At the moment I've been revising my proposal, which includes a rationale for my approach (all top secret, though I bet the lot of you can figure out my angle) and a sample chapter. So far I've had a lot of fun writing the sample chapter and trying to imagine what will keep the interest of today's undergraduate student. One thing I do know is that most public speaking texts are too wordy and long, explaining common sense with too many examples (some of which are condescending). Writing this week, however, it's also clear to me how textbook writing is a difficult line to walk. My tendency is to write to smart adults, as opposed to "dumbing down" anything, which, when I was a undergraduate, I thought was insulting (the one textbook that stood out as not insulting to me was Stephen Littlejohn's Theories of Human Communication).

Now, the press I'm working without would be upset if posted a whole draft of anything, however, I thought I could post a little taste of what sort of thing y'all can expect. When this puppy hits the market in a couple of years, I hope you'll consider it because I just got my hospital bill from last week (can you believe it is $34,000? That's before insurance kicks-in, of course, but holy big-ass bovine!).

(Oh, a health update: an echo last week and check-up on Friday revealed no heart damage; I am almost fully recovered and the doctor says I should be back to "normal" in another week or two.)

Ok, so, medical bills and dreams of new Vespas in mind, here goes:

Audience Analysis Part One: Before You Open Your Gosh-Darn Trap

[FEATURED IMAGE, FULL RIGHT PAGE: Back of a naked woman facing an audience; no frontal nudity, however, we can almost see her buttocks; photo should push the envelope.]

PLAYLIST: Bauhaus: "Spirit"

House of Love: "Audience with the Mind"

The Who: "Who Are You?"

Yaz: "Situation."

You just knew we had to talk about naked people at some point, didn't you? If anything, public speaking arouses anxieties of vulnerability, and nothing symbolizes vulnerability more than nudity-especially public nudity! Heck, we might as go ahead and re-title this book On Public Nudity: Clothes for the Neophyte.

If you are human and not an android, then you probably have had a nudity nightmare at some point in your life: you are in a crowded cafeteria and about to accept a giant trophy and prize-winning pet goat for capturing the Strawberry Shortcake Bandit who has been greedily eating everyone's just deserts (remember, this is a dream), when you abruptly realize you're nekkid and standing in front of a large audience. Audience members point at your various body parts and whisper furtively to each other. Suddenly cold and flapping in the breeze, you cover your private bits and slowly slink, inch-by-inch, toward the exit . . . .

The "nudity dream" is a good allegory for public speakers who have not carefully studied their audience before a speech. [SIDEBAR definition, poking fun at texbooks: nudity dream: a common dream in which the dreamer realizes she is naked in front of a group of people]. In general, what we fear most about public speaking are the negative judgments of an audience. When speaking, we often asked questions like, "are they following what I am saying?" or "is this making any sense at all?" or "can they tell I'm nervous?" or "do they think I'm smart?" When we let these kinds of questions overwhelm us, we can feel as if we are naked! Audience analysis, or the process by which you come to understand your audience before and during a speech, is one sure-fire way to combat metaphorical nudity. [STARBURST: audience analysis is the process by which a speaker comes to understand his or her audience before and during a speech.] That's why the next few articles are designed to provide you with some virtual clothes, so to speak: by anticipating audience reactions and gathering information about them, you're much more likely to avoid public speaking anxiety. In short, analyzing the audience is like putting on clothes.

CASIN' DA JOINT

The slang phrase "casin' a joint" refers to checking something out, usually a building or a place. In Hollywood film, "casin' a joint" sometimes refers to scoping out a bank or a museum so that one can prepare to burgle it. Some folks think that the phrase "casin' a joint" is derived from a popular, 19th century card game called Faro, but really, who gives a flip? We don't. What's important to us is the notion that "casing" or "casin'" means to scrutinize or study closely. [SIDEBAR: casing or casin': to scrutinize or study closely.] In any public speaking situation, you'll have to scrutinize the audience and their physical arrangement first before you can make any decisions about what to do or say. In other words, to be a good speaker you gotta (1) case da' joint (the space, location, and so on) and (2) case da' peeps--or the audience--in order to get a sense of what is and is not possible to say and do. Sometimes the room size of your speech will impose limits on what you can say or do; for example, a small room would make it difficult for you to do an interpretive dance with your eulogy. Sometimes the age of your audience might limit your ability to make South Park references and jokes. It all depends. Lets look at da joint before we move to the more complex topic of the peeps to get a better sense of how to "case."

[LAYOUT: omitted for secrecy].

Physical Location

Where and when you give a speech directly influences how you will relate to your audience. Suppose, for example, you had to give a "pep" talk to classmates about a group project you are working on for a sociology class. Suppose, further, that the only space you can find to talk is a small bathroom. Obviously, this location would demand that you keep your voice down, perhaps even that you whisper, since bathrooms are typically regarded as quiet spaces in our culture. If the bathroom is not unisex, your meeting may even need to be somewhat clandestine. Indeed, the location of this impromptu potty speech might also be a little stinky, which means a short speech is probably better than a long one. Although the bathroom example is extreme, you can see how the physical location places demands on what you can and should say as a speaker to your audience.

Most formal speaking situations will be in spaces created for public speaking: an auditorium, a reception hall, and a boardroom are familiar examples. For this class you have been (or will be) speaking in a classroom, which is a space designed specifically for speaking and listening. This means that the acoustics, or sound transmission properties of a given space, are probably optimal: you won't require a microphone; distracting noise from outside or the hallway is muffled by sound-defeating doors and windows; and so on. [SIDEBAR: acoustics: the sound transmission properties of a given space.] Further, most classrooms are designed to accommodate an average of 20-30 students. Even before you enroll in a public speaking class, you probably had some idea of your future audience based on your past experiences in classrooms.

There is, however, a certain danger in taking a public speaking course at a college or university: many of your practice speeches are taking place in a classroom, which is not the typical environment for a speech in daily life. In general, a classroom is an ideal space for speeches because it is easier to hear and speak, the audience size is known in advance, and so on. As we noted in the first chapter, however, most of the speeches that you will give in your life will be at a restaurant or bar (toasts), a reception hall, church, mosque, or synagogue (union service), many of which are characteristically noisy places. For this reason, it's always very important to scope out your speaking location before your speech if you can. If it is not possible to literally case da' joint, ask others more knowledgeable of the setting about what to expect.

Technological Needs

Just as the physical space of your speech directly affects how you relate to an audience, so does "technology," by which we usually mean computers and sound reinforcement machinery. [SIDEBAR: sound reinforcement: the use of microphones, sound processors, and amplifiers to enhance the quality or volume of sounds.] Sometimes you might want to present a series of Apple Keynote or Microsoft PowerPoint slides to accompany a speech; if so, you better make sure the physical space in which you are to speak has a computer, a projector, and the software necessary to show slides (we will discuss the use of computer-generated visual aids in depth in a later article). If your speaking space does not have the electronic equipment you need, you may need to supply your own or plan to prepare your speech without visual aids (like, duh!). It may also be the case that you are asked to speak in a very large auditorium or to a bigger audience outdoors. In these situations, you may have access to a microphone and a sound amplification system. It is always good to know if you will be amplified, because this influences how you choose to deliver your speech orally.

Audience Size

If you are giving a pep talk to five classmates in a bathroom, the situation demands an informal, causal speech-and the more speedy the better, especially if the talk is right after lunch! It is not likely that you would prepare for days, nor is it likely that you would carefully practice the speech for hours before you "deliver" it. If, however, you are asked to speak to an audience of 500 in an auditorium, you will probably want to prepare your speech very carefully and much more formally. In general, the larger the audience, the more prepared you should be. Indeed, the larger the audience the more you must reign-in informality, slang and inside-jokes (you should have seen this textbook before the editors go a hold of it! Man did they take the author to town for not practicing what he preaches!).

For this class, of course, you'll be speaking to a group probably no larger than 30 people. In your life outside of class, however, your audiences will vary widely. At a wedding or civil union, for example, there may be a hundred or more guests listening to your toast to the happy couple. If the union was a small affair with familiar guests, you could craft an intimate speech full of inside-jokes; however, if the nuptial crowd was rather large, you'll want to decrease any inside jokes. As the old saying goes, "size matters." Whether or not you think that "bigger is better" in terms of audience, however, depends on your personal preference.

Stay tuned throughout the year for periodic teasers as I write this puppy. AND let me add: if you have any suggestions or input as I write, feel free to share. As anyone who has written a textbook knows, it's not just children that "take a village." Oh, and Eric: I'm totally titling the vocalics chapter "Tongue Foo."